


Waiting For The End

by Heather_Night



Category: Animal Kingdom (TV)
Genre: Cages, Hurt/Comfort, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Not Happy, POV Multiple, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:54:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21709297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heather_Night/pseuds/Heather_Night
Summary: Adrian didn’t know what was going on but he knew he was being dragged over the ground by his arms and that he was fucked.  Quite possibly literally fucked if the way Thing One seemed fascinated by his sexual orientation was any indication.He’d always taken some pride in how he looked—he’d never lacked for attention on that score—but thesethingsthought he was attractive?  Jesus, fuck, no.Just no.Somehow being banished from the country, and his lover, wasn’t the worst thing to happen to him today.
Relationships: Deran Cody & Adrian Dolan, Deran Cody/Adrian Dolan
Comments: 9
Kudos: 30
Collections: Animal Kingdom ▶ Deran Cody / Adrian Dolan





	1. Holding on to what I haven't got

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Iresolatio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iresolatio/gifts).



> This is not terribly graphic but it's also not for the faint of heart. It might be a wee bit on the depressing side. Although if you can hang in there for Chapter Two, you will hopefully feel like your time hasn't been wasted (there is no happy ever after but it's also not a total downer so be warned on that score).
> 
> Let's consider this canon compliant through Season 4/Episode 13.
> 
> This one goes out to Iresposts who was able to take the Season Four finale in stride...unlike myself.

_I know what it takes to move on  
I know how it feels to lie  
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new  
Holding on to what I haven't got_

\- _Waiting For The End_ by Linkin Park

Adrian was numb.

Deran had chosen to stay with his family over leaving with Adrian. 

The real kicker wasn’t that Deran had decided to stay—Adrian had always tried to respect Deran’s ties with his brothers, if not Smurf—it was that Adrian had never seen his change of heart coming.

 _Deran_ had pushed for them to leave the county, had arranged for passports, had sworn they were never coming back. He hadn’t wanted to run but once Smurf was involved, _Deran_ told him it was their only choice. _Their_ only choice, not just his. 

Adrian was willing to do the time since he was the one who had agreed to Jack’s dumbass plan and been caught. He might’ve been stupid but he had some sense of honor so running would never have occurred to him, that was completely Deran. That and he’d wanted to stay close. 

Close to his family, Jess and Charlie.

Close to Deran. The family he’d chosen.

He stared out the window, catching glimpses of stars in the night sky, thinking of how he’d come to this point. It had taken a long time for Adrian to believe in Deran’s feelings for him. He’d never deluded himself into thinking he was Deran’s top priority, that slot belonged to his family, so Adrian had always held back a little. He’d been waiting for the end to come almost since the beginning—

The car rocked violently and Adrian smacked his head against the passenger side window. Hard. The stars he’d been watching out the window twinkled out.

He awoke to motion.

Everything hurt.

Something dug into his low back as he scraped over it. Something sharp and hard. A rock? Where the hell was he? 

“You weren’t kidding, Odin.” Thing One said.

“What’s that?” Thing Two’s voice was deeper.

“He’s pretty for a guy. And he’s a fag, right?” Thing One sounded younger. Excited.

“Jesus, just because he’s pretty doesn’t make him a fag.” Thing Three’s voice wasn’t as deep as Two’s and wasn’t excited like One’s; his was more disgusted. 

“Shut it, Jeremy. You too, David. He belongs to the youngest one. Our cousin. The fag. He was supposed to be in the car, too. Guess, we’ll have to make do with just this one. The pretty fag. Although he’s not going to be pretty for long. We’re going to use him to teach our cousin a lesson.”

Thing Two was the one in charge. 

Adrian didn’t know what was going on but he knew he was being dragged over the ground by his arms and that he was fucked. Quite possibly literally fucked if the way Thing One seemed fascinated by his sexual orientation was any indication. 

He’d always taken some pride in how he looked—he’d never lacked for attention on that score—but these _things_ thought he was attractive? Jesus, fuck, no.

Just no.

Somehow being banished from the country, and his lover, wasn’t the worst thing to happen to him today.

-0-

Deran hadn’t wanted to go to The Drop but J suggested they stick to their routines. It was supposed to be a sign that they were still in charge, weren’t running scared, and that life went on even without Smurf helming the family.

If he’d had his way he’d be curled up in fetal position, blanket over his head, wishing he could make Adrian understand his decision.

That would’ve been a trick because Deran wasn’t sure he understood it completely. He should’ve gone with Adrian, gotten him settled and then he could’ve returned to Oceanside. 

Instead Adrian had told him he loved him, that Deran was the worst thing that ever happened to him, and then left without a backward glance.

It had been forty-eight hours and he still kept looking at his phone, hoping Adrian would call or text or something, but it had been silent.

The door to the bar opened and Deran looked up, hoping to see—

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Deran growled at the cop.

It was Pearce’s fault Adrian had faced hard prison time. The state cop had wanted to nail Smurf so bad and now she was gone. Pearce had been willing to use Adrian to do it and now he was gone.

Pearce had lost. But if that was true then why did Deran feel like he was the loser?

“I’m looking for your boyfriend. Have you heard from him?” Pearce stood across the bar from Deran, his fingers drumming impatiently on the wood surface.

Deran was crushed at the way things had gone down with Adrian—the _you’re the worst thing that ever happened to me_ comment still echoed in his head—but if he was safe from assholes like Pearce, Deran could live with the guilt.

Although Pearce had said _heard_ not _seen_. Maybe he wasn’t as stupid as he looked after all. 

“No, I haven’t seen Adrian in a couple of days.” And Jesus, it hurt.

“Yeah, I know. That was quite the teary goodbye you two shared on the pier.” Deran’s head snapped up from where he was wiping the bar down with a towel; Pearce had them followed? 

The cop continued, “After he left you, the car Adrian was in was run off the road. We have footage of the truck but it didn’t have license plates and we haven’t been able to trace it. The driver of the car is dead so we can’t ask him. Any ideas who took your boy?”

Deran’s brain tried to process the cop’s words. Someone kidnapped Adrian? It wasn’t Craig or Pope. J could’ve hired someone but why? The only person who had a grudge against his boyfriend was Smurf and she was gone. Or maybe Jack? Although Jack had lusted after Adrian for years so it was hard to imagine he’d make some sort of play from behind bars.

“Show me the footage.” Deran growled. 

He was on the verge of jumping the bar and shaking Pearce until he complied but before he could, the cop held his phone up, video playing.

There was a big guy, maybe 6 feet tall and muscular, with a shaved head stalking toward a smoking vehicle on the side of the road. The video was dark and grainy but Deran could make out the guy manhandling someone out of the crumpled car and tossing him over his shoulder like he weighed nothing. The someone had messy light hair and pale skin and fuck…it was Adrian.

Adrian draped passively over the wide shoulder, arms swaying with each step the guy took.

Adrian wasn’t passive. He was passionate and lively and now he was hurt. 

The problem was Deran didn’t have a clue who had him. No one had contacted him.

Adrenaline flooded his system; fight or flight but he didn’t know who to punch and he had nowhere to run to, not since Adrian was gone.

“Why didn’t you stop him?” Deran’s voice sounded strangled in his own ears.

Shaking his head, Pearce lost his trademark smirk. “His tail couldn’t keep up.”

The detective took his phone from Deran’s hand and slid a business card into its place. “Call me if you hear,” he hesitated, “about him.” The cop was gone before Deran could come up with a response.

 _About him_ , not _from him_. Like he suspected Adrian might already be—

“Fuck!”

He dropped the card onto the mahogany bar top and grabbed the ends of his hair, pulling. He’d been naïve, thinking he could have it all. Getting out of the family business and going legit with The Drop. Getting out from beneath Smurf’s thumb and living his life with Adrian. 

Although deep down hadn’t he always been waiting for the end to come?

-0-

Pearce barreled into Livengood’s office without knocking. “Any luck tracing that truck?”

Livengood’s head snapped up. “If I had, I’d have contacted you. What do you want from me, Pearce?”

“I want your help finding Dolan.” Pearce rubbed the side of his face. He’d had a total of four hours of sleep since Dolan had gone missing.

“Hey, it’s not my fault he tried to run. I would’ve honored my deal with him—he helped take down Jackson’s crew just like I asked—so this is on you.” Livengood pushed his feet, crossed his arms and glared at Pearce.

Pearce glared back.

Livengood broke first, dropping his arms to his side. “Fuck, I’ve got a full caseload here but I’m still working my contacts to see if whoever took the kid is related to the arrests we made.” He rubbed a hand tiredly over the side of his face. “Dolan was actually a good kid from what I could tell. He made a shitty decision that I could use but he wasn’t hardened scum, you know?”

Pearce made an effort to keep his shoulders squared despite wanting to let them droop. He nodded. “He actually stood up to me, told me to charge him.” He’d been a little impressed with the kid’s fortitude.

He wasn’t proud of what he’d said next but he would’ve done almost anything to finally put Janine ‘Smurf’ Cody behind bars. _Pretty boy like you won’t last six months in prison_. It was true but Adrian had remained loyal to his boyfriend despite his harsh taunt. Apparently, the kid’s boyfriend hadn’t been willing to give it all up for him just as Pearce had predicated but that didn’t make him feel any better about things now. 

Instead Dolan had tried to flee the country, gotten kidnapped and who the hell knew what was happening to him now. Thinking about it was turning Pearce’s ulcer inside out.

Pearce knew his actions were the reason Adrian Dolan had ended up within someone’s sights. He could only hope the kid was being used for leverage and not something worse.

The burning sensation between his chest and belly button flared into pain. He was pretty sure his ulcer had a name: Adrian Dolan.

Pearce wished he could start his retirement now but he owed it to his ulcer to do everything in his power to recover him if possible.

-0-

Adrian knew he was underground, in a cage complete with bars, but that was about all he knew.

Unless he counted the knowledge that The Things liked to drug him, pull him out of the cage and play with him. They had a thing—ha, a thing!—about hygiene so they’d tie him up in the shower and wash him and then touch—

His brain short-circuited on that thought and he came to as one of The Things approached.

Thing Two. His arms were massive, probably as big as Adrian’s thighs, and his body was thick but it wasn’t fat. He was all muscle. He didn’t really have a redeeming quality except maybe his eyes which might’ve been attractive if they hadn’t been so cold.

“Come on, boy. Time for lunch.” He set a mug down and approached the door to the cage, unlocking and swinging it open. Why had Adrian been so worried about doing jail time? Could it possibly have been worse than the jail he currently found himself in?

He tried to scramble to his feet but he only made it to his hands and knees before his strength gave out. 

There was no way he could rush Thing Two.

There was nowhere to hide.

Thing Two wrapped an arm around Adrian’s middle and pulled him upright. His ribs creaked at the pressure, pain blossoming from earlier abuse, as the mug was jammed against his lips. He was so fucking thirsty but he knew what happened after he drank the Lemon-Lime Kool-Aid.

_Don’t drink the Kool-Aid._

“You know, David might be right. Maybe we’ll keep you after all.”

Thing Two—Odin—covered his nose and eventually Adrian had to open his mouth for air. He screamed on the inside as the liquid poured down his throat. 

He came to under the cold spray of the shower, Odin’s worried face peering at him.

He’d tried so hard not to learn their names because it felt like giving up but he’d failed at that, too. 

Odin was the oldest, largest and usually gentlest. Although his sheer size caused problems, especially since no one seemed to understand lube was a thing—

“Nuh-uh, stay with me, _baby_.

Adrian wheezed, bile climbing his throat, as Odin cooed Smurf’s over-used nickname.

David seemed fascinated with touching Adrian, taking every opportunity to put his hands and other body parts all over him, with more enthusiasm than technique.

Jeremy liked to shove things—his body parts and other items—into Adrian. He was usually more precise, like a scientist working out a problem. At least until he lost his temper with Adrian’s lack of reactions to his attentions and then he used his fists and feet.

Odin liked to talk. He described what he wanted to do, in detail, and then usually followed through until Adrian passed out from physical pain or he mentally took a break.

The last was something Odin didn’t like so he tried to pay attention but it was hard because he didn’t want to be here and—

Something slammed into the side of Adrian’s face and his head bounced off the tile.

He heard someone calling his name from a distance but it was too hard to stay awake.

-0-

Deran hyperventilated as he parked the Scout in the driveway. He’d managed to text Pope to make sure he was at home before he’d bolted from The Drop and raced to see him.

Pope was sitting outside at the table, back straight, head erect as Deran sprinted toward him.

“What the fuck’s going on, Deran?” Pope was on his feet, scanning the area for threats.

It took a moment but Deran was finally able to force the words out. “Someone took Adrian. He never made it to the airport.”

Pope sank back onto the chair, motioning for Deran to sit down. “What do you mean he never made it to the airport? Who told you?” His brother scrunched his face up like he’d tasted something bad.

Deran rested his elbows on the table and massaged his eyes with the palms of his hands. “Pearce showed up at the bar, showed me video of someone forcing the car off the road and carrying Adrian away.” He lowered his hands, tears stinging his eyes. “I didn’t recognize him.”

“Well, what’d he look like?” Pope placed his hands flat on the table and his flat brown eyes stared back at Deran, unblinking.

“Big. Lots of muscle.” Deran’s heartrate was lowering in the face of Pope’s pragmatic responses.

“Young? Old? Hair color?”

Deran took a deep breath. “He didn’t move like he was old. I couldn’t make out his hair color because it was pretty close to the scalp.”

Pope’s eyes widened. “One of Jed’s kids. I think Smurf called him Odin. He was at the farm. He’s the one that shot Smurf.”

Shot Smurf before J took her out. But now wasn’t the time to think about her. She was gone but he still had a chance to save Adrian.

“Will you go there with me? Help me get him back?” Deran was already on his feet, wondering if there were more weapons in the garage.

“I’ve got a better idea.”

Deran whipped his head around to see J standing there, sunglasses dangling from his hand. His expression was as flat as Pope’s.

“Let’s give the police the information on the farm and let them get Adrian. That way maybe those preppers will end up behind bars and be out of our hair.”

He didn’t like it. He couldn’t just stand around and do nothing, not if he had a chance to rescue Adrian. 

He needed to hold Adrian. Make sure he was okay. Keep him safe. 

The little voice inside whispered, _Because that had worked out so far_. He told the voice to fuck off. 

Pope cleared his throat. “J’s right. Tell your buddy Pearce how to find the farm.”

Deran clenched his fists. He didn’t like it but it was better than nothing. He couldn’t storm the farm by himself. He could probably talk Craig into it but his brother was busy playing father.

If he didn’t get Adrian back, he didn’t know what he’d do.

-0-

Pearce had been shocked to receive the call from Baby Cody. He’d supplied an address of someone Smurf had done business with and fucked over. Someone who might have taken Adrian.

It was a farm out in the boonies and there was no way he could confirm anything without going out there so that’s what he’d done. He’d dragged Livengood with him and they’d been able to verify that someone matching the description of the guy in the video lived at the farm.

That was yesterday and fortunately it had been enough for a warrant and now he had a task force and they were going in.

It was mass chaos with booby traps and gunfire but so far no one had been killed.

There also was no sign of Adrian Dolan.

Pearce’s two-way radio blasted white noise before someone began speaking. “Holy shit. There’s an underground bunker. Hey Pearce, it looks like there’s a guy in a cage down here.”

He responded and then raced toward the location the officer had given him. He nearly bashed his head on a low ceiling as he darted downstairs and followed the voices.

Someone was snipping the lock off an enclosure with bars. 

Pearce pressed through the officers, ducking down as the door swung open, kneeling down next to someone who was on the ground, prone position, head turned away.

Adrian’s hair color was memorable and it matched that of the person lying on the ground. 

He was in gray sweatpants and a short-sleeved t-shirt and when Pearce touched his arm, he was cool to the touch.

Cool but not cold. “Adrian? Can you hear me?”

The arm beneath his touch flexed. “Adrian?”

Adrian slowly lifted his head and turned toward him.

“Don’t move, okay? We’re going to get you out of here.” Pearce kept his hand on Adrian’s tense forearm as he spoke softly to the man.

The dark blue eyes Pearce remembered vividly from his previous meetings with the young man stared blankly at him.

They might have found Adrian’s body but Pearce wasn’t sure his mind was coming back.

He’d like to blame this on Smurf Cody but she hadn’t made Pearce threaten Adrian in the hopes he’d turn evidence on the Codys. Of course Adrian had run; he was too soft for hard time.

Pearce hadn’t contributed to Adrian breaking the law in the first place but he’d probably set into motion the events that had led to Adrian’s current situation.

He’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop and he supposed it had. Now he had to figure out what to do with two shoes on the ground. This wasn’t the ending he’d envisioned when he’d set out to put Smurf behind bars.

-0-

Adrian inhaled deeply; the astringent odor of bleach filled his sinuses.

This wasn’t the cage.

Or the shower.

His eyes flew open and he blinked at the white ceiling overhead. 

“Adrian?”

He turned his head and stared at his sister. She was perched on the end of a chair, arms folded tightly over her middle, hair falling out of a lopsided ponytail. 

“Are you okay?” She frowned and then her face crumpled. Oh fuck, were those tears? Jess didn’t cry. She dashed the back of a hand across her face, sniffing. “What am I talking about? Of course you’re not okay.”

He waited for her to launch into a lecture about how he needed to distance himself from Deran, and the Codys, and their lifestyle. She bit into her lip, probably stifling the words.

Adrian looked down. His gown was white and so were the sheets and blanket. His skin was almost neon white. Except for the purple and black splotches covering his arms. 

He shifted, trying to find a comfortable position. His ribs ached and so did his head. It was the pain in his groin. And his anus. And further up—

“I’m going to let the nurses know you’re awake.” Jess was up and out the door before Adrian could ask her what he’d missed.

No sooner had the door closed then it swung open, blond head peaking around it.

Deran.

The other man smiled but it looked foreign on his face, like his muscles couldn’t hold the position. 

“I’m sorry. Smurf fucked with the wrong people and, um, yeah.” Deran rubbed the back of his neck; it was a nervous tick although he didn’t need to see it to know Deran was nervous. 

His former boyfriend? Fuckbuddy? Friend? Whatever Deran was to him, he couldn’t even look Adrian in the eye.

Adrian remembered waking up after the car crashed, being dragged over rough ground, _The Things_ talking about how they thought they’d be getting two fags instead of just the one.

They referred to Deran as their cousin.

“What do you need me to do? Just tell me. I’ll do anything.” Deran whispered, his voice still cracking.

He turned his head away and scrunched his eyes closed. No one could turn back the clock and make this all disappear.

A palm cupped his cheek and Adrian scrambled to get away. Odin had touched him just like that before—

His eyes opened wide, his breathing ragged, as he stared. Deran stared back. It wasn’t Odin.

Deran looked horrified. Maybe disgusted. His face scrunched up like he might swear. Or cry.

The door flew open and Jess, looking like a short Valkyrie riding to his rescue, swept into the room. 

It was like he was back in the cage, nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. And he was too fucking exhausted to play peacemaker between the two people he cared for most in this world. 

So he did what he’d always been good at when the going got tough—he pretended he was somewhere else. 

Adrian curled into a ball and closed his eyes. If he pretended hard enough that he was somewhere safe, lying in the sun and listening to the waves, maybe it would come true.

-0-

Deran’s feet didn’t want to move but Jess Dolan didn’t give a shit; she dragged him into the hallway.

“Haven’t you done enough to him?” She hissed at him, cheeks bright pink.

Just like Adrian’s cheeks got when he was angry.

He looked at the door closing him off from Adrian’s hospital room. From Adrian. Adrian’s cheeks hadn’t been pink with anger. They’d been pale.

And bruised.

He’d had a glimpse of the dark bruising not only around Adrian’s neck and the side of his face but up and down his arms. 

What had those sick fucks done? Adrian was no angel, despite what his sister thought, but he hadn’t deserved this. Hell, no one deserved this but Adrian especially deserved the best life had to offer. Deran had wanted so fucking bad to give it him but he’d managed to fuck it up. 

Jess cursed softly and Deran’s eyes widened; the person Adrian had nicknamed the Tiny Termagant was standing there, rubbing at her red eyes, trying to stem the flow of tears.

Jess Dolan didn’t cry. She harangued and scolded and sometimes hugged Adrian but she never fucking cried.

“What did they do to him?” Deran was hungry for answers although he wasn’t sure he could handle them.

Her shoulders straightened and her head lifted until she made eye contact. “They hurt him. Inside and out. The doctor said he’d heal. On the outside at least. I’m not really sure how someone comes back from being kept in a cage, drugged and ra—” She cut herself off, whirling around and stalking away.

_Raped._

He tried hard not to play the _what if_ game but his mind went directly there. 

Deran never should’ve tried to have a relationship with Adrian even though he was his personal ray of sunshine in the otherwise shitty dark world he lived in. 

He had tried to keep Adrian clear of the lifestyle but seeing as he was always around it, on the fringes at least, it wasn’t such a shock that his independent friend might dabble in it. He’d been shocked when Adrian had confessed that he felt like he didn’t belong. _Deran’s house. Bar. Money_. Deran had only wanted to take care of the other man and now things were completely fucked up because of it.

There wasn’t anything Deran could do here, not for Adrian who cringed away from him.

Adrian who’d been hurt because of him.

Deran did what he’d vowed to stop doing when he bought his own house—he ran back home.

Back to his family.

Maybe he could come back and see Adrian tomorrow. Assuming Jess didn’t kick his ass out.

If he did come back, he didn’t know what he’d say. He didn’t think there was a card or some shit that covered _sorry my batshit crazy cousins kidnapped you _.__

__-0-_ _

__Pearce rolled up to the house just after the ambulance. He’d flagged the system so that he was notified in the event there was any contact having to do with Adrian. Unfortunately, there’d been an incident at his sister’s house._ _

__As he exited the car, he could hear Adrian, who was sitting on the front step, tell the paramedics that he was fine and they should check on Charlie, whoever that was. Pearce didn’t know how Charlies was doing but Adrian looked like a wreck. His hair was in disarray and with his pale skin still showing the heavy bruising from his visit to the farm, teeth clenched as he shivered, he more closely resembled a junkie than a world class athlete._ _

__Jess Dolan hovered behind her brother. “I told you, Adrian, Charlie is fine. You just startled him.”_ _

__Adrian turned his head and squinted at his sister. “I almost hurt him, Jess. I can’t stay here.”_ _

__Adrian’s sister bit her lip and looked away._ _

__The paramedics wanted to assess Adrian but he declined. He didn’t shove them away or cuss them out or any of the other behaviors Pearce had witnessed during his career; he folded his arms around his middle and bent over._ _

__Withdrawing from the world._ _

__Shrugging, the paramedics left. It took a while before the rig backed up, alarms blaring, and left the scene._ _

__When Pearce turned his attention to the siblings, they were a study in contrasts; Jess had her arms folded tightly across her chest, glaring, and Adrian stared up at Pearce, arms tucked around his legs, looking scared._ _

__“What the fuck do you want?” Jess barked._ _

__Adrian flinched at the harsh noise._ _

__Pearce held his hands up in the classic _I come in peace_ gesture. _ _

__“Don’t give me that,” Jess huffed. “Are you here to arrest Adrian? Because it wasn’t his fault. He had a nightmare and Charlie startled him. Everyone is fine.” She came down the steps. “Or are you here to arrest Adrian on the drug charges?”_ _

__Adrian stood up, unsteadily, but once he caught his balance, he put a hand on his sister’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Jess.”_ _

__Shit. Pearce realized Adrian still thought he was going to be carted off to prison. While he’d been in the hospital, Pearce had worked with Livengood and the DA’s office. He cleared his throat. “In light of Adrian’s cooperation with the DEA, they’re not pursuing charges. It will take a while for the paperwork to go through but you’ll probably only get community service, Adrian.”_ _

__The air audibly whooshed out of Adrian’s lungs and he sat down awkwardly on the step, crying out at the contact._ _

__Jess Dolan placed herself between Adrian and Pearce, staring at Adrian with concern and alternating with glares to Pearce. She had the Mama Bear routine down, stone cold, and Pearce wondered how Deran Cody got along with Adrian’s sister. He swallowed the smirk trying to form at the thought._ _

__Adrian’s head came up and he made eye contact. “What about you? I thought you wanted me to turn evidence on the Codys or else I’d go to prison? I’m still not going to help you.”_ _

__What kind of hold did Deran Cody have over this boy? Or was Adrian scared of the others, most notably Andrew ‘Pope’ Cody?_ _

__Pearce shrugged. “We no longer need your assistance.” He didn’t mention with Smurf out of the picture, his drive to make a case against the Codys had waned. He also didn’t want to press the kid further in light of Adrian’s traumatic kidnapping experience._ _

__Adrian rose to his feet, this time with a touch of grace. “Whatever. I’m going to throw some stuff in a bag and then see if I can couch surf. I can’t stay here, Jess.”_ _

__He disappeared into the house and there was a low murmur of masculine voices, Adrian’s and probably Jess’s significant other._ _

__“He’s right,” Jess sighed, scraping the hair back from her face. “That was more than a nightmare, he was back _there_ , and although he would never hurt his nephew, he wasn’t even aware Charlie was in the room with him. Fuck.”_ _

__Adrian appeared in the doorway, backpack slung over his shoulder._ _

__Pearce wasn’t sure how this was going to go over but he wanted to at least make the offer. “I’ve got a place you can stay until you get back on your feet.”_ _

__Jess folded her arms over her chest again, frowning. “Where?”_ _

__“My apartment.”_ _

__-0-_ _

__Adrian couldn’t get comfortable but it had nothing to do with accommodations. Pearce’s spare bedroom was actually pretty nice. It was no house on the ocean, but this place had a bed that was more comfortable than an air mattress and there was a working shower which were pretty much all Adrian had ever asked for in a dwelling._ _

__Pearce—Jim—was blunt but not an asshole which after Jess’s hovering was kind of nice._ _

__He thought about taking a run to burn off some of this energy but the doctor had warned him not to exercise for a week to give his body a chance to heal. There’d been some internal bleeding and the last thing Adrian wanted was to exacerbate it and end up seeing a doctor again._ _

__Shit, he had medical bills to worry about. And he didn’t have a job. He wasn’t going to find a place to rent unless he had a steady income._ _

__That’s assuming he really didn’t have to do any prison time. He wasn’t convinced that wasn’t still a worry._ _

__“Adrian, I’m going to grill some burgers. Do you want to join me?” Pearce, ugh, Jim, interrupted his runaway worry train._ _

__Consulting his stomach, Adrian realized he was hungry. The thought of burgers made him nauseous. “Thanks, but, um, no thanks.”_ _

__“I’ve got bread if you want a sandwich. Or toast. We can eat outside.” Pearce offered. Adrian had given up; the guy was Pearce to him, not Jim, and that was that._ _

__He followed his host through to the kitchen and stayed out of the way as the man pulled out items from the refrigerator and cupboards._ _

__The buzzer sounded and Pearce went to the door and stared at the security monitor. He turned and looked at Adrian. “You up for a visitor?”_ _

__The cop had kind eyes. Or maybe that was pity. Adrian knew he was pathetic right now but he didn’t want that. He squared his shoulders. “Yeah, sure.”_ _

__It was either Jess’s husband or Deran; they were the only two people who had unfinished business with him._ _

__Unless you counted Jack, who Pearce had confirmed was still locked up._ _

__Pearce opened the door and ushered Deran inside._ _

__His friend had a look of pure disgust on his face. “What the fuck? Why are you staying here with _him_?_ _

__Pearce looked like he was trying to stifle a laugh, his eyes no longer filled with pity but with mirth. “I’ll be out on the deck if you need me, Adrian.” He disappeared toward the kitchen._ _

__Deran rushed toward him and Adrian flinched, stepping backward. He wasn’t scared Deran would hurt him but anyone coming into his personal space made him defensive. The doctor had mentioned something about PTSD and Adrian figured at some point he’d get help but for now he was just trying to heal the physical wounds. One step at a time._ _

__Halting in his tracks, Deran stared at Adrian. “Are you okay?”_ _

__How to answer? Okay in terms of not being confined to a hospital bed but his life was still a hot mess and he didn’t know where to start. He settled for nodding his head._ _

__“Um, can I get you anything?” Adrian figured holding a can would give them both something to do instead of staring awkwardly at one another._ _

__“Come home with me,” Deran blurted out._ _

__“Uh,” Adrian was caught off guard. “What?”_ _

__“Does he have you under house arrest or something? I can get a lawyer and get you free and you can come home where you belong.” Deran’s face was pink and Adrian didn’t know if he was embarrassed or angry or just freaked out._ _

__He didn’t know about Deran but Adrian was definitely freaked out. “Deran, we’re not together anymore.”_ _

__“That’s only because I was trying to keep you safe. But if you’re not going to prison and my brothers aren’t worried about you saying anything, now we can be together.” Deran believed the bullshit coming out of his mouth._ _

__Adrian didn’t. He crossed his arms, leaning against the wall leading into the kitchen. “You say that now but if a Cody decides I’m a threat then I’m what, back to swimming with the fishes? No thanks.”_ _

__Deran turned his back and Adrian thought he was going to leave. Maybe pissed off that he didn’t get his way and he was going to take his ball and go home now._ _

__Except Deran’s shoulders rose and fell, like he was laughing, only he wasn’t laughing. He was sobbing._ _

__Adrian didn’t cope well with Deran’s tears, he never had. Deran could take a ton of physical pain without cracking but emotionally he was far more fragile._ _

__Deran caught his breath and turned around, wiping his sleeve across his face. “I’ll do whatever you want. I just want us to be okay.”_ _

__He’d heard that before. At the height of Deran’s most possessive, territorial, _scary_ behavior. And somehow Deran had turned things around. Straightened himself out, if you could count coming out as straightening._ _

__Hysteria bubbled in Adrian’s throat and it came out as a moan._ _

__Deran approached slowly, his arms out, giving Adrian the chance to step away or tell him no._ _

__For the first time in over a week, Adrian let someone hug him. Deran was gentle and sweet and all the things one wouldn’t expect out of a Cody, even the nice one, and Adrian relaxed into his strength._ _

__They stood like that until Adrian’s muscles started to cramp. He stepped back, rubbing the moisture from his face. He might regret this but he wanted Deran’s arms around him. He wanted his strength. After his time in the cage—his brain refused to think about the other things that had happened to him—he felt he deserved this. “Let me get my backpack and let Pearce know I’m taking off.”_ _

__Deran tucked his hair behind his ears, smiling shyly. “You won’t regret this.”_ _

__-0-_ _

__Deran had listened patiently to Adrian’s story about having a nightmare and going ballistic on his nephew but it was hard to believe. Adrian would never hurt a child, and certainly never his own nephew, so it was difficult to wrap his head around what had happened at Jess’s house._ _

__“I wish you would’ve called me,” Deran grumbled. He didn’t trust Pearce, at all, and couldn’t believe Adrian had willingly agreed to stay with the cop who had threatened him. That was preferable to calling Deran?_ _

__Adrian shrugged. “Didn’t really know it was an option.” His tone was kind of flat and he looked exhausted._ _

__Deran made a frustrated noise in the back of this throat but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t push it. After all, he’d been the one to tell Adrian to leave the country by himself._ _

__At the last minute._ _

__Besides, Adrian seemed fragile and picking a fight with him now wouldn’t help anything. Not when Deran just wanted to wrap him up in his arms and hold him close._ _

__Someone had taken Adrian. Hurt him. Touched him against his will. Deran needed to cradle him in his arms, as much to comfort Adrian as himself._ _

__“Do you mind if I lay down for a while? The couch is fine.” Adrian stood in the living room, arms wrapped around himself, voice tentative._ _

__“The couch is not fine. Let’s lay down on the bed.” A thought occurred to Deran. “Unless you want some space?” He wasn’t about to push himself on Adrian. He was very mindful of having Adrian’s consent. When Adrian had agreed to try again with him last year, Deran had vowed he would never hurt the other man again._ _

__Except he’d broken that vow. He’d hurt Adrian by leaving him high and dry and then his own wackjob family—the cousins he hadn’t even known about—had tortured him._ _

__Adrian’s arms unwrapped from around his middle and he held out a hand toward Deran. “I think I’d like if we laid down on the bed together. Just make sure your gun isn’t loaded, okay? If I sleepwalk or whatever the fuck that is, I don’t want to hurt you.”_ _

__Deran let Adrian set the pace, following him into their bedroom. Adrian left his clothing, sweatpants and a t-shirt on, so Deran did the same. They stretched out on top of the comforter and Deran would’ve been content to just listen to Adrian’s breathing but the other guy rolled against his side, resting an arm over Deran’s chest._ _

__Cuddling Adrian close, Deran allowed himself to relax for the first time in maybe over a month. Adrian wasn’t facing prison time. Pope and Craig didn’t want to kill Adrian. They were both in Oceanside._ _

__Usually when he had Adrian in his arms like this, sex was on his mind. It was hard not to think about sex with Adrian because he loved everything about his body not to mention how responsive he was but it had always been his dirty little secret that it wasn’t about sex with this man. Deran could have amazing sex with lots of men. With Adrian it was the little moments, like cooking for him. Joking with him. Sharing his burdens._ _

__Or just holding him close._ _

__He drifted off thinking of ways to show Adrian he wasn’t the worst thing that ever happened to him._ _

__It was dark the next time Deran surfaced. His bladder was full otherwise he would’ve never left the bed. Adrian was a solid line of heat against his side, his face relaxed in sleep, and Deran just wanted to hold him close._ _

__Easing off the bed Deran closed the bathroom door so he wouldn’t disturb the sleeping man. Once he’d taken care of business and washed up, he slowly cracked the door open so it wouldn’t squeak._ _

__Adrian was no longer in bed._ _

__Adrian was standing next to Deran’s side of the bed._ _

__Holding Deran’s Glock. His loaded Glock._ _

__It had never occurred to Deran that Adrian would go for the gun, not when he was sleeping right next to him. Although he hadn’t been next to him. Adrian had tried to warn him but Deran hadn’t believed him._ _

__“Adrian?”_ _

__Adrian plastered himself to the wall, eyes shiny in the light reflecting from the bathroom. He huddled into the corner, panting, holding the gun in front of his face._ _

__Right now the gun was pointed at the ceiling but that could change._ _

__“Adrian, it’s okay. You can put the gun down.” Deran’s voice cracked. He couldn’t tell if Adrian was awake but the way his eyes darted around the room, passing over Deran as though not really seeing him, made him think this was a night terror or whatever the fuck Adrian had called it._ _

__Adrian made a high-pitched whine and quivered, his limbs shaking enough that Deran worried about the gun going off. “Don’t.” He swallowed, shaking his head, looking toward the doorway. “Don’t come any closer.”_ _

__He couldn’t really reason with someone who was sleeping. Deran wasn’t sure it would work but he slowly bent over and scooped a pillow from the floor. He tossed it toward the dresser. It was a direct hit and the lamp tottered and fell to the ground with a smash._ _

__Adrian jumped and stepped away from the wall. He wasn’t focused on the smashed lamp but he also wasn’t looking at Deran. The gun was still pointed at the ceiling._ _

__Deran launched himself, colliding with Adrian, taking him down where they landed on the mattress. It was easy enough for Deran to get the gun away from Adrian but he was freaked out as Adrian bucked and whined, trying to dislodge Deran’s weight, becoming more and more panicked with each second._ _

__He had no idea if old movies could be trusted but he slapped Adrian’s face with the palm of his hand. It wasn’t a love tap but it also wasn’t hard enough to leave a bruise._ _

__Adrian’s head rocked to the side, his other cheek resting against the comforter._ _

__He stopped wiggling but his breathing was harsh and fast in the silence of the room. So was Deran’s actually._ _

__This could’ve been so bad. People overused the phrase tragedy but if Adrian had survived all of the previous week’s bullshit only to take himself out while sleepwalking…that would’ve been a real tragedy._ _

__Deran moved off of Adrian now that the threat had been neutralized._ _

__Adrian curled onto his side, chest heaving, squeaks of pain emerging from him lips that made Deran clench his teeth and his head ache._ _

__“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay.” Deran knew enough not to try to touch Adrian right now._ _

__When Adrian’s breathing still hadn’t settled down after what felt like an hour but was probably only a minute or two, Deran felt like he needed to take some sort of action._ _

__“Adrian, _baby_ , what can I do?” He hadn’t meant to use that nickname, it had just slipped out, and Adrian recoiled from him._ _

__“Call…call…,” Adrian heaved a sob so loud, Deran was convinced he’d pass out from lack of oxygen._ _

__He hovered over the bed despite telling himself he wasn’t helping, that he needed to give Adrian some space. But he couldn’t stay away from him. How had he thought he could go on without Adrian? “Who do you want me to call? Jess?”_ _

__Deran didn’t want to call Adrian’s sister—she hated his fucking guts—but if that’s what Adrian needed, he would._ _

__“Pearce.” Adrian’s sobs were smaller but all the more heart breaking for the soft, broken sounds._ _

__Pearce was the last person Deran wanted to call but he had his card and if that’s what would help Adrian, he’d do it._ _

__He grabbed the gun and left the room. He called Pearce and told him Adrian had an episode and wanted to see him. He’d expected a smart-ass comment or maybe the cop would decline but Pearce said he’d been there in thirty minutes._ _

__Deran stowed the gun in the freezer, next to the vodka, and went back into the bedroom. He perched on the corner of the mattress so he was close by but Adrian pulled further away._ _

__It hurt like hell because he didn’t know how to help Adrian and Adrian didn’t want his help._ _

__Was this his penance for hurting Adrian so badly? He couldn’t see a way to fix this and it scared him. He’d thought when Adrian had told him he was the worst thing that ever happened to him, he couldn’t feel any lower._ _

__Sitting here, unable to help as Adrian was in pain, was worse._ _

__-0-_ _

__Pearce wasn’t sure what he thought he’d find but Deran Cody looking as traumatized as Adrian wasn’t it._ _

__Deran stood by the couch, hovering over Adrian who was seated. Their clothing was crooked and in Deran’s case, torn. Their eyes were both damp and bloodshot. They weren’t touching or speaking. Whatever had happened, it had scared them both._ _

__“Do you want to stay at my place, Adrian?” Pearce could be patient but he felt if left to their own devices, neither boy would speak up._ _

__Adrian rose to his feet. Deran darted forward as though to offer him a hand but he withdrew at the last moment, staring at the floor._ _

__“Adrian?” If he didn’t get some answers and soon, he’d be tempted to call Jess Dolan. Something told him she could get to the bottom of this._ _

__“I can’t be here. I need help.” Adrian’s voice wasn’t very strong but he sounded resolute._ _

__Deran’s head snapped up. “What?”_ _

__Pearce kept his own _what_ unspoken. “What kind of help?”_ _

__“I need to be locked up. I’m going to hurt someone.” Adrian’s mouth was pulled into a tight line, his chin jutting forward. Here was a glimpse of the kid he’d tried to bully into turning evidence against the Codys and had stood his ground._ _

__Deran ran a shaking hand through his hair. “Okay, I’ll find somewhere. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”_ _

__Pearce had to hand it to the kid, he was saying all the right things. He definitely had feelings for Adrian. Right now he looked more wrecked than the other kid although Adrian looked like a stiff breeze might knock him over so that was saying something._ _

__Adrian turned toward Deran; Pearce moved toward the kitchen to give the two some privacy. He was still close enough if there was a problem. Close enough to hear._ _

__“Deran, I want you to listen to me. You need to move on. It’s going to be a long time before I’m sorted out and I don’t want you to wait.” Adrian’s voice cracked but he sounded like he meant it._ _

__“No, I won’t. You can’t ask me that.” Deran sounded congested and Pearce knew if he turned around, he’d find the guy wet-eyed. So much for being Cody tough._ _

__Although maybe he really did love Adrian? Pearce remembered his twenties as a time of overwrought passion but maybe these two actually did love one another._ _

__There was movement in the living room and Pearce turned to see Adrian lay his hand on the side of Deran’s face. “Don’t try to find me. Don’t bother Jess. I can’t keep holding on to this, whatever this is, waiting for you to change. Take care of yourself, Deran.”_ _

__Pearce had never been rejected quite so bluntly or matter of factly. He couldn’t help but think Adrian might change his mind but Pearce thought it was the right decision._ _

__Loving Deran Cody had brought nothing but misery to Adrian._ _

__Then again, knowing Pearce had sort of done the same._ _

__He’d find an inpatient setting for Adrian and then he was done. It was time to retire._ _

__Time to move on._ _


	2. The hardest part of ending is starting again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sure, being caged had been hell but waking up to find himself on the verge of beating on Charlie had been even worse. He wasn’t at fault for what had happened with Deran’s crazy cousins but if he’d hurt Charlie…
> 
> This time he’d woken up to find he’d been clutching a gun. He could’ve easily shot Deran. He’d rather have taken himself out although that would’ve left Deran with nothing but guilt and as upset as he’d been over Deran choosing his family over him, the guy didn’t deserve to have _that_ hanging over his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same rules apply as last time.

_So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?  
The hardest part of ending is starting again_

\- _Waiting For The End_ by Linkin Park

Deran had told him he wouldn’t regret returning to his house with him and at the time Adrian had gone along because he wanted to be held. Comforted. Loved. 

Now Adrian was left with nothing but regrets.

Sure, being caged had been hell but waking up to find himself on the verge of beating on Charlie had been even worse. He wasn’t at fault for what had happened with Deran’s crazy cousins but if he’d hurt Charlie…

This time he’d woken up to find he’d been clutching a gun. He could’ve easily shot Deran. He’d rather have taken himself out although that would’ve left Deran with nothing but guilt and as upset as he’d been over Deran choosing his family over him, the guy didn’t deserve to have _that_ hanging over his head.

“We’re here. Are you sure about his?” Pearce had been the distant, steadying presence Adrian had needed. The guy didn’t have a horse in the race, not like Deran or Jess, and talking his options over with a virtual stranger had been almost calming. He didn’t need to worry how his decision was going to impact Pearce; he didn’t give a shit. Deran or Jess would’ve guilted him into something they thought he needed, or that they needed.

Adrian knew what he needed: He didn’t want to wake up a third time to find he’d actually hurt someone he loved.

Making a clean break right now was best for everyone.

“I’m sure.” Adrian grabbed his backpack even though he knew he’d have to turn it over to the staff. He might be checking in voluntarily but he still had to follow their protocols. They needed to verify he wasn’t bringing something in that might hurt someone. They also didn’t allow contact with the outside world for the first forty-eight hours while they assessed him. 

After everything that had happened, he would easily go longer than forty-eight hours. 

“You know, I’m not Cody’s greatest fan but this doesn’t have to be an either/or scenario. You can get treatment without cutting him out of your life.” Pearce’s face glowed eerily in the dashboard lights but Adrian couldn’t make out his expression.

Adrian made a conscious effort to relax his tense muscles. “Deran made his choice before I was kidnapped. What happened doesn’t really negate that. I guess I need to straighten myself out before I think about being in a relationship.” It hurt like hell but Adrian couldn’t work on fixing something that was broken, at least not until he didn’t feel broken, too.

“Going straight, huh? Interesting choice of words but I’ve got a good feeling you’re going to figure this all out.” Pearce smiled and maybe Adrian should’ve been offended but he appreciated the cop’s light-hearted approach.

He never wanted to see the guy after tonight but that didn’t mean he wasn’t appreciative of his efforts on his behalf.

Opening the car door, Adrian stepped out into the damp night air, squaring his shoulders. It was time to move on.

-0-

Deran had tried to keep his expectations low when Adrian had first started texting him six months ago. It had been random shit, reports on the surfing or pics of weather or even cute animals.

There was no actual content to the communications but every time he got a text from Adrian, Deran smiled. Even though they were no long together, and may never be, it was a luxury just knowing that despite all of the shit that gone down, Adrian was okay.

They’d started out as friends and maybe, just maybe, they would be friends again.

He was standing on the deck, staring out toward the water, thinking it would be a perfect morning to grab the surfboard. Maybe Craig would be able to join him—

The gate banged close and Deran straightened. Maybe Craig was already here. He’d taken to showing up unannounced, looking to hang out, when he wanted a break from being a father. Craig loved fatherhood but Deran could see it sometimes chafed on his brother. 

Footsteps came up the stairs and he turned to greet him only to find it wasn’t Craig.

It was Adrian.

Adrian in the sleeveless blue hoodie Deran loved on him and board shorts, shy smile on his face. “Hey, I’ve got my board downstairs. The water looks perfect. You wanna join me for a few sets?”

Deran closed his eyes. Blinked them open. Stared.

It wasn’t a mirage. Adrian was here. Standing on their deck. 

He was thinner than he’d been when he’d surfed competitively, otherwise he looked the same. His hair still flopped into his eyes messily and his freckles still stood out on his cheeks and nose…he looked good. Healthy. Happy?

Adrian buried his hands in his pockets and looked away, ill at ease. “Sorry. I should’ve called first .”

That jolted Deran into action. “No, shit. It’s fine. I just,” he paused, swallowing, trying to make sense of Adrian’s appearance in their home. What used to be their home. “It’s just an unexpected surprise. But a good one. Fuck, yeah, I want to join you. Let me put my shorts on and we can go.”

The tension relaxed along Adrian’s shoulders. Deran wanted to touch him as he walked by but that’s not what this was about.

They were no longer a couple but they could be friends. Maybe that would change in the future, too, although Deran would have to content himself with having his best friend back.

Whatever happened would be on Adrian’s terms.

-0-

Pearce stopped at the beach, putting his car into park. With his windows down the smell of the tangy saltwater was so strong he could almost taste it.

He’d randomly picked this spot—the rhythmic crashing of the waves was soothing—so he was surprised when two guys emerged from behind a dune, picking their way to the water, surfboards tucked beneath their arms.

It wasn’t that two guys were surfing here that was the surprise—the swells were dotted with surfers—it was that the surfers were no other than Adrian Dolan and Deran Cody. 

When Pearce had helped Adrian find an inpatient setting to help him with his issues, he’d discovered he had an affinity for helping people in crisis. Once his retirement went through, he’d started volunteering at a crisis center, answering calls. He’d rapidly progressed to a paid job assessing people and helping match them to available resources—an Information and Referral Specialist I—and he was damned proud of the work he did.

He felt a little creepy watching the two men but he laughed when Adrian planted an elbow in Deran’s side and sent him staggering. 

Pearce hoped Adrian had found a way to start over again. Like he had. 

Finis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that's the most depressing story I wrote for this bingo card. It was...cathartic.

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when a show devotes most of the season to spotlighting the relationship between a couple and then cracks that couple like an egg. Meh. Although I guess having a passionate response to the season's last episode means I'm hooked.


End file.
